Days 119 to 69: Life’s random moments…

“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore.”
– Christopher Columbus

Location: LAX – flight delayed to Auckland
Current song: Firestone by Kygo (I’m obsessed with this song right now…)

Today I spent 8 hours in LA on a layover en route to Auckland. I managed to stray away from the airport and meant to see the Santa Monica Pier but ended up at the Hermosa Pier instead. It was stunning – the feature photo for this post is one I took while watching some surfers trying to catch a wave.

Standing on the pier, listening to the sound of the waves crashing against the shore and staring out at the vast ocean, I felt at peace. It’s been a long time since I truly felt that everything would turn out okay. Something about being there, in that moment, made me feel that I was on the right path – that this journey of self-discovery led me to that place, that moment.

I’ve been so afraid of losing sight of “the shore” that I held onto old beliefs for a very long time. I’ve been so used to one vision of my life and had tried to hold onto that vision with desperation even as it shattered before my eyes. I finally realized that I don’t need to rush life. I believe things happen for a reason and always have a way of turning out in the end.

Blogging has helped me greatly in dealing with my thoughts and emotions. I meant to find myself and overcome a particularly hard incident in my life but I realized, I don’t want that incident to always lurk in the shadows. I don’t want every blog post to remind me of that situation or that person, which is partly why I stopped posting everyday. Initially, I was consciously looking for positives so that I didn’t have to deal with the sadness. However, I learned where there is happiness, there will also be sadness and in the days I haven’t been blogging, I’ve been learning how to balance both. I realize you can’t just brush the negative emotions under the rug, it’s not healthy and they always have a way of catching up to you if you do. But, it’s not healthy to let those negative emotions consume you either.

It’s interesting what you can learn about yourself when you take the time to delve deep into your mind to consciously and critically evaluate your thoughts and emotions. Meditation is a great tool that has helped me do just that. Standing on that pier and reflecting on my life, I realized that there’s very few things I’ve done to make myself happy. I’m always putting others and their happiness before my own and it’s time I be a little selfish. It’s time I really focus on this journey of self-discovery and find the happiness that comes from within.

I can feel the progress I’ve been making and I hope in the days to come as I explore New Zealand and Australia, that I will continue to grow and become the best version of myself. Life is too short to be living someone else’s life or spending it putting everyone else’s interests first. It’s time I write my own story and seek out people and experiences that will let my light shine through.

Here’s to a new adventure & a new beginning…

 

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