Day 128: Finding my vision

“A man without a vision for his future, always returns to his past.”

I’m a woman with no vision.

Well, not entirely.

I have an idea of where I want to take my career and have a list of things I want to check off before my 30th birthday but when it comes to my personal life, I’m a sailor lost at sea. I think the lack of clarity in what I want personally, has my thoughts floating back to the past and reliving negative experiences.

I’m still struggling to accept the circumstances of what happened and I can see that I’ve developed some trust issues. Even when a nice guy knocks, I don’t really want to let him in. Well, this may not be so bad since I used to blindly trust everyone. Now, I’m exercising much more caution in this department.

I think I’m conflicted in what I want. I need to take some time to find my vision of what I want my life to look like in the next few years. Life didn’t go as planned. I had wanted to be married by 30 but now, I can’t imagine being married at all (well not anytime soon). I don’t want to rush into a relationship or a marriage if I barely know the person. I spent a decade getting to know someone and clearly, I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. How much time is enough to really get to know a person?

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