Day 145: “917…”

“Don’t let the heart that didn’t love you, keep you from the one that will.”

I got a text this morning at 3:50am from my ex. It read:

“917…”

That’s it. 917. Because today is September 17, 2017 or 9/17.

To you, 917 is just a number. To me, it meant him and I together – it signified our relationship and the love we shared (but now I know it was only me that was in love). I was born on the 9th and he was born on the 17th. I don’t remember how it started but we would send each other this emoticon 😘 whenever we happened to see that the time was 9:17. It became our thing. It was a small gesture to show that we were thinking of the other at that moment in time.

Before we broke up, I always thought we would get engaged today. This day meant something to us as it combined the vibrations from both of our numbers. It was significant because we gave it value; we let it represent us as a couple. Now, it’s just another day.

So why after all this time, is he sending me a text in the wee hours of the morning referencing the one thing that held some significance to us? I asked him and he said “I want to show you that I respect you.” Wait, what? He’s dating someone else now and did he respect me when he cheated with her? Did he respect me when he tore me down to make me feel insignificant and small? He clearly doesn’t respect me or want me to move on. It’s just another mind game to make me think he still cares even though he’s spending his days and nights with someone else.

I refuse to let his immaturity and games keep me from continuing the progress I made lately. There are people who genuinely care about me and I am not going to let him (who couldn’t love me) prevent me from finding someone who will. There are people who see my worth, who truly want to see me happy, and I know that these are the people who I should make a priority in my life.

Life is too short to let someone else control your happiness. I will not let him affect mine. I am in control of my thoughts and now that I’ve gotten it all out (usually on paper but I guess a blog post counts too), I don’t plan to spend another second thinking about this or what it means.

It’s just not worth it.

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