Day 154: Limbo …

“One day you will wake up and there won’t be any more time to do the things you’ve always wanted… do it now.”
– Paulo Coelho

I made a commitment to myself to write one blog post a day about the positive things, people and experiences in my life. I’ve been slacking off the last couple of days and it’s clearly a reflection of the current state of my life.

I’ve kind of slipped into this limbo state – neither happy nor sad. I simply exist. Since I started this project, I feel as if I’ve been constantly on the go trying to lose myself in everyday busyness in order to escape my feelings and my past.

It’s finally caught up to me.

I’m not ruminating on the past nor am I wallowing in negative thoughts. There is, however, this air of unease and anxiety passing over me. It’s almost as if I’m waiting for something to change or click into place but nothing is happening.

I don’t know what I’m expecting or maybe it’s just this feeling of tiredness. Perhaps, I’m just tired of being on the go and need to take a few days to unwind, catch up on my sleep and continue to live without expectations.

Limbo doesn’t suit me – neither does idleness. There are so many things I wish to accomplish and sometimes I feel as if there isn’t enough time. Especially in the last month or so, I’ve found myself trying to make up for lost time. There are so many aspects of myself that I’ve lost along the way and it’s as if I’ve been trying to play catch up.

Life isn’t a race and as I wrote about in an earlier post, Day 171: “Happiness is a State of Mind”, I need to start living with intention. I’m still holding onto the unrealistic expectations I had for my life. As much as I want certain things to happen, I know I need to just go with the flow. Sometimes, it’s when we let life flow naturally and forget about making things happen (the way we want them to) that everything falls into place.

 

 

 

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