Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
– J.K. Rowling
I hit rock bottom. I didn’t just hit it. I crash landed face first into the depths of despair, self-pity and helplessness.
Even if you lower yourself all the way down here and physically carry me out of this hole, I will find a way back. People have tried and that’s exactly what happened.
Now, I’m not here to wallow in self-pity or justify my defeatist attitude. I’m here because I want to climb out of this massive hole and restore my sense of self. It’s clear that the only way I’m getting out is if I truly commit to climbing out myself.
What pushed me over the edge? A really crummy, cheating ex-boyfriend who (over the course of a seven year relationship) slowly contributed to the deterioration of my self-respect, self-worth and self-esteem.
I loved him despite the way he treated me. After I found out he cheated, he called me names, cussed me out and made me feel completely worthless. And, I let him.
Love is blind. In my case, apparently it’s deaf too.
No one should be treated this way. The sad part is, I thought it was normal. Verbal and emotional abuse is often overlooked but can be as bad as physical abuse. It leaves scars that can take years to heal, if at all.
My wounds are still fresh but I am committing to leaving him in my past. He doesn’t deserve me or my thoughts. A friend of mine told me that I have become my own worst enemy and I really have. It’s time to change that.
So, now that you know my story, you must be wondering why I named my blog ‘the red stiletto’. I was never one of those girls who enjoy getting dressed up. I don’t have tons of clothes or shoes and don’t even enjoy shopping. Most days, I barely comb my untameable curly hair.
Well, one day recently, when I felt really low, I decided I need to rid myself of all the things that reminded me of my ex – old photos, clothes, gifts, everything. That’s when I found a dusty box with a pair of brand-new red stilettos that I had gotten as a gift from my cousin and had never worn.
The shoes looked so shiny and new and something compelled me to put them on. I decided to walk out on a ledge and go the whole nine yards in the pampering department. I put on some makeup and a sexy black dress to match the heels. Surprisingly, I felt great. I looked at myself in the mirror and felt confident for the first time in ages.
In that moment, I felt empowered to change my life.
No one should have the power to make you feel worthless. I let my ex’s actions and words define who I was for a very long time. It’s time I rebuild my life because there’s only one way to go from here. Up.